Extremely annoying member

[Alvin63]

So this is on my first forum, which has been running about two years, has about 800 members and a good ethos and community. There is one member, who has been around for just over a year - who has gradually got more and more maverick. He has always been very active, which is a good thing, but seems to now be behaving as if it's his forum by his style of responses and advice to others. Pompous and know it all basically. Not only that but completely contradicting the advice members have always valued from me - as the forum owner who built it up - the respect on there is what has always worked well.

I've said the odd thing and reminded him to keep it about the community and not set himself up as an expert but only base replies on own experience. That didn't last long. It's also getting confusing for other members and making them have less confidence in advice given. Not only that he is more or less "being me" if that makes sense. Giving personal advice - normally people say "the forum advice is usually xyz". I can't be more specific there and obviously people can have different opinions, but he is passing off the forum ethos as his own personal advice as some kind of expert.

He got well out of hand a few months back by making a bossy post to a member telling them to remove some identifying detail. Saying "take that down now". I deleted it and edited the post and contacted the member to let them know I'd removed the identifying detail (which actually was their own choice anyway). He isn't a moderator and he has no authority to start bossing other members about and not goign via mods or admin.

He apologised about that and said he was on his phone walking and did something a bit quick.

I thought - this guy is getting a bit manic. It settled down for a while. But I've had to discuss the odd thing with him again today as he is basically doing his own thing on the forum and some of it is more than just opinion - he's telling people what to do.

So basically I'm sick of it. He hasn't really done anything wrong to be banned for apart from winding me up regularly and coming across as a pompous know it all but they type of forum it is, any advice given is absolutely crucial and that's why the forum has an ethos and reputation I want to keep.

Any suggestions to put him back in his box? He is a prolific poster. But also patronising to others sometimes in his "enthusiasm" and these are serious matters for adult members - they are not kids.

 

[BassMan]

Oh, I hear you. I have and have had such users. It is a very delicate situation, especially if a user is active and in general still enough helpful for the community.

One very active member but with similar behaviour as you mentioned, just left the forum and never returned (after 3 years of being active daily) after I politely contacted him about his behaviour.

What to do now, if I get any complaint about a member, I tell them there is an Ignore button. One user always reports posts. Sometimes I ignore it, sometimes the report is OK, sometimes I ask him to stop couch moderating.

Forum rules are your friend. Be polite, guide users, contact them via conversation (not publicly) etc. Ask them to cooperate. The forum is yours, you are the boss.

That is the beauty and the nightmare of being a forum owner.

 

[Davyc]

Go in with a positive attitude, tell him you value him as a member, but he needs to rein in his overbearing attitudes and become the productive member he set out to be in the beginning. Explain that this will gain him respect, not just from you, but from all the members. From here take a little bit more of a proactive role and explain that other members have complained about his attitude, and they have asked you to take some kind of action, you are reluctant to do so, but considering the number of complaints you may have to moderate his posts for a while to ensure the conducive atmosphere that you wish to maintain. Give him some time to consider what you have said and see what he comes back with. If he's willing to rein in his current stance and become of value again, great, if he becomes aggressive or reluctant, then you will need to take some action to protect your community, which must always come first no matter how valued a member he may be. It's always a tough one to handle but get it across in a manner you believe to be balanced and he may sit up and take notice. Good luck!

 

[Alvin63]

Thanks both. Well my chat with him to maybe make it more about the community and tone it down - he just gets awkward and argumentative. He seems to be that kind of person. Said he had contributed a lot and been valuable but just recently he is behaving a bit like a one man band. He seems to just keep replying being difficult and then telling me what he thinks the forum needs that he knows about. While this was going on he had posted on a members thread being patronising again and saying "contact me if you need further information".

So tbh it is starting to really piss me off and I'm on the point of saying - go and start your own forum then. But don't want to lose my cool.

 

[Davyc]

Try using the 'User Discouragement' option in the ACP. If he comes back at you asking why the forum is acting up, just say it is automatically responding to his attitude and behaviour and if he changes tack so will the software lol. As proactive as he is, he is now having a negative impact on your site which you can do without.

 

[Alvin63]

Yesterday he messaged saying - why did you edit one of my posts?! I said because I'm a moderator and it needed editing. Anyway he is very in your face and defensive and refuses to accept any suggestions. I'll give myself a couple of hours to cool down. Just now he posted on someone's thread - did you find my post patronising? (Because in the PM I had suggested some angles could be patronising and better not to assume that people are ignorant). So he is challenging - he certainly doesn't give a hoot that it's my forum. Which does make me inclined to want to get rid of him - I don't need being undermined.

 

[Alvin63]

Try using the 'User Discouragement' option in the ACP. If he comes back at you asking why the forum is acting up, just say it is automatically responding to his attitude and behaviour and if he changes tack so will the software lol. As proactive as he is, he is now having a negative impact on your site which you can do without.

Is that actually an advisable thing to do btw? I considered it once before on my other forum, but was concerned that might give the forum a reputation for not working well.

 

[DaveM]

What I have in my rules is something along the lines of "No disruptive behavior will be tolerated" this sort of covers a situation like this. I must admit over all the years of running the forum we have had very little problems with our members so that is great for us.

 

[Alvin63]

Thank you. A good thing to add to the rules. Although this member would argue he wasn't being disruptive. This is my first of two forums, almost two years old, and never a hitch till now. The second one - loads of drama a few times. I think the different topics can affect people differently.

 

[Alvin63]

One user always reports posts. Sometimes I ignore it, sometimes the report is OK, sometimes I ask him to stop couch moderating.

Yes that is something else he does. Good term "couch moderating". It's usually his own lengthy posts he reports asking me to change something two or three times.

 

[ŽivaAkcija]

so that member looks like Uncle Alfred from Only Fools and Horses

does talk about germans?

 

[DaveM]

Thank you. A good thing to add to the rules. Although this member would argue he wasn't being disruptive. This is my first of two forums, almost two years old, and never a hitch till now. The second one - loads of drama a few times. I think the different topics can affect people differently.

Well disrupted is totally defind by the owner of the forum so it would be up to you to say it is or is not.

 

[PatriotGB]

Think of your forum as a "benevolent dictatorship." It's YOUR forum. It's YOUR house, so to speak.

Also, most forums have rules about questioning a moderator's or admin's actions in public on the forum. If they have a question or disagreement with a moderator's / admin's actions or decisions, they should bring it up via private message. Criticizing a mod or admin in public on the forum is not just prohibited, it's poor form.... and usually leads to a ban.

Egos can run big online. But ultimately, it's your forum. I'm reminded of this line from John Wick 2: "This kingdom is mine and mine alone..."

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[Alvin63]

Cheers. I was very tempted to do a ban. He has toned down again after that discussion but I don't suppose it will last for long.

 

[Davyc]

Is that actually an advisable thing to do btw? I considered it once before on my other forum, but was concerned that might give the forum a reputation for not working well.

Only affects the users you select, not everyone. It's a useful tool to get rid of troublemakers

 

[Muddy Boots]

When running a busy forum which we sold a couple of years ago, on a friday night it was sometimes like a pub brawl with a lot of pi$$ heads, we regularly banned people, had it in the T&Cs and ban was for xx days, repeat offenders were eventually banned for life, including banning their full IP range on the server, the mods were unknown as in they had 2 logins - their normal member login and a moderator login so were anonymous, it worked very well....... It never effected the forum traffic and was for the better as the majority of the membership were not getting wound up or dragged into arguments with the minority

 

[TPerry]

including banning their full IP range on the serve

Which can kill a lot of other valid users accessing (think of a mobile user). The ONLY time I use an IP ban is when that IP is not an ISP but related back to a dedicated IP in a hosting environment. By banning IP's willy-nilly now, you take to big a chance of limiting access of valid users.

 

[Muddy Boots]

Which can kill a lot of other valid users accessing (think of a mobile user). The ONLY time I use an IP ban is when that IP is not an ISP but related back to a dedicated IP in a hosting environment. By banning IP's willy-nilly now, you take to big a chance of limiting access of valid users.

It wasn't willy nilly as you put it - I guess I didnt explain properly - The ip was banned at server level as I said - it wasn't a known mobile IP - Generally the IP was used for weeks/months and an ISP one - after a few weeks the IP was removed - we never had any issues or complaints from valid users - it worked very well on a Friday night brawl......

 

[FTL]

@Alvin63 that user sounds like a nightmare. From your posts on here, he's certainly earned a sanction or two, or he's just gonna see you as weak and carry on undermining you at every turn - it's an ego trip for him, gives him a feeling of power that you let him get away with it. Classic troll behaviour.

Now, without having seen what your forum is, its subject and not having seen this member's posts, I don't wanna be too prescriptive by suggesting a long ban, or permaban, thread ban etc, but you do need to restrict him in some way for a time so that he starts to realise that he can't take the piss out of you and get away with it. And the restrictions should of course escalate if they carry on.

I had a user recently who was a bit like that, really hyper, all over the damn forum, and subtly and not so subtly dissing me, perhaps because I'm naturally quite easygoing. They were always paying me so much attention rather than simply talking to me and others in a balanced manner like other members. They clearly thought I was a bit of a soft touch and some of my mods were going crazy for me to permaban him, but I said hold on for a bit to let them pay out enough rope to hang themselves with. I'd never had a user quite like this before and handling them was an interesting experiment for me. So, I kept the dialog going with them for a while giving them every chance to reform (which I knew they wouldn't) and also did restrict them for a while, too. Then, after they'd finally let out enough rope for them to clearly hang themselves with, I hit them with that lovely permaban after clear hints and warnings that they were out of order and a final message, which was just so satisfying! They clearly weren't expecting it and went mental trying to create new accounts to get round the ban, but either the forum autobanned them at registration, or I did from the approval queue and they eventually gave up and left us alone.

Moral of the story: you own the joint, you're the boss - never forget it.

Finally, if you want more specific advice or suggestions, or just to talk more about it in a more detailed way perhaps, please feel free to pm me with the forum link, the user and more details and we can chat.

 

[TPerry]

It wasn't willy nilly as you put it - I guess I didnt explain properly - The ip was banned at server level as I said - it wasn't a known mobile IP - Generally the IP was used for weeks/months and an ISP one - after a few weeks the IP was removed - we never had any issues or complaints from valid users - it worked very well on a Friday night brawl......

I personally would have used discouragement on the user instead of blocking an IP from a known ISP, especially if blocking an entire block (you clearly stated that you blocked "including banning their full IP range on the server". That knocks out a lot of potential users.